Thursday, 26 May 2011

Miner Strikes Gold Under Bank Of England

A lucky gold miner from Bethnal Green laid claim to the top end of Threadneedle Street today after striking gold fifty feet below the surface. 

Within an hour, city police reported thousands of men with shovels gathering outside Mansion House tube station.

"I had a feelin' there was tons of gold down there", laughed Ron Varley as he triumphantly showed a group of prospectors a large ingot, clearly stamped Property of the Bank of England.

Varley explained he had started his mine six months ago, from a disused back yard just around the corner in Throgmorton Street. 

"To an experienced miner like me, this whole area stinks of pure gold", he declared.

He revealed he had dug his shaft straight down for 50 feet before branching left in the direction of Threadneedle Street.

"Once I was under the Bank of England, my electronic gold detector flew right off the scale", he said.

"After locating the seam, it was a simple case of getting out the gelignite, blasting a hole through a solid steel wall and then winching the gold straight up to the surface".

Varley then headed off to celebrate with a slap-up meal at London's Savoy Hotel.  Together with explosives expert Roy 'Banger' Bullman and 60 year old Reg Platt who drove the getaway van.

"We reckon there's diamonds and all sorts of priceless jewels somewhere under the Tower of London", he said as he tucked into a plate of red mullet with fries and onions.

"Maybe we'll pay them a visit next Tuesday".

No comments:

Post a Comment