Thursday, 26 May 2011

Isle Of Wight Fishmonger Fined For Displaying Naked Bream

Fishmonger, Ted Nugent, was fined £10 by Shanklin magistrates today for displaying a nude sea bream in the window of his High Street shop - writes chief crime reporter Juanita Juan.

Nugent pleaded guilty to improperly displaying a naked fish - and asked for five hundred similar offences to be taken into consideration.

"This apology for a human being - this odious philanderer - this loathsome stain upon the good name of the Isle of Wight -  this nauseating dealer in seagoing pornography, is nothing more than a serial fish molester", growled Chairman of the Bench, ex Field Marshall Sir Vernon Blatchcock-Barnowl.

"Not only has he subjected this innocent bream to the vile gaze of visiting perverts from overseas, he also admits to having similarly besmirched haddock, whiting, lemon sole, gurnard, sprats and a line-caught dog fish."

"I have decided to leave on record further grave offences involving molluscs, crustaceans and sundry under-age whitebait", declared Sir Vernon.

Defending the accused, Herbert Digweed-Dambuster QC explained that his client had gone to great lengths to provide adequate cover for the naked fish.  Which only served to make the magistrates even more angry than they were already.

"If he thinks the odd sprig of parsley is sufficient to spare the blushes of a stripped sea bream he's got another thought coming", shouted Sir Vernon.

"He will go to prison for fifty years."

The sentenced was reduced on appeal.

In a similar case, Ventnor magistrates decided that frozen fish fingers were not subject to the same decency laws as sea bream.

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